Disclaimer: I’m on medicine for my uterus and it’s making me so crazy.
Listen. Your entire existence is based on survival. Let’s strip away education, religion, society, politics, economy, and technology. Let’s say civilization never existed. If we take out these aspects of our modern lives, we are left with our innate instinct to protect ourselves. With just our instincts, we are no different than animals. Sharks, tigers, snakes, but also the stupid ones, like guppies and ants. All they are programmed to do is live. Live until they die. And if we take away all the bullshit we have that animals don’t have, it’s easy to see that down to our very core, we are programmed the same way.
Well, too bad. We are stuck with all this bullshit. Believe me, I wish I was born a stupid ant carrying rocks with no thoughts passing through my germ-sized brain, but I was born a human. I have the privilege of reading ‘Letters From a Stoic Epistulae Morales ad Lucilium’ on my couch instead of racing to the water hole after days without a drink, only to kneel down into the lake and get my head bitten off by a crocodile.
Ants live in their same hole doing the same thing every day for their entire lives. Not me. I have to grow up, read books, meet new people, move to different cities and continents, learn new languages, change my clothes, cut my hair, choose a new nail polish color every time I get a manicure, and now, I have to take medicine for my uterus. No matter where you live, how you grow up, what you believe, you will have to deal with a lot of changes until the day you die. Maybe I’m wrong, but I believe my feelings are just on an endless rotation. Happy, sad, tired, then happy. It all seems pretty balanced and predictable. And then the unpredictable – change – happens. Over and over, year after year, until I die.
We have the ‘survival’ thing down. If you are reading this, you must be very privileged since you have access to electricity, a computer, and internet. I’m guessing you all have access to food, water, money and shelter as well. You do not have ebola. So, you have the ‘survival’ thing down. Next: you all have the tools to deal with change. Sure, moving to a different city is challenging. Ending a relationship is heartbreaking. Losing a loved one is horrible. But these inevitable changes won’t threaten your life.
So, since we know that change is inevitable and life is hard, why is it that when a big change happens, it’s always a struggle? What is the point. What’s the point of worrying. What’s the point of buying stuff if someone is just going to rob your house? Well, buying stuff is fun, but being emotionally attached to it sucks. You could lose that diamond necklace from grandma at any moment. Then you’ll cry. And you wouldn’t be doing anything positive for humanity. You’d be just a waste of space!
I, on the other hand, do not want to be a waste of space. idgaf what happens. I’m not sad, and I’m not angry, I’m just going with the flow. I don’t want to be attached to objects. I have one fear that I know will become a reality someday, but I’m not telling you ‘cause you don’t deserve to know that much about me. So bring it. Do whatever you want to me. Steal my possessions. I’ll just have less stuff to pack when I move again! Break my apple products. Finally, no one can reach me! Cut off my leg. I can still graduate from college in a wheelchair. You can even kill me. Then at least I won’t have to take medicine for my uterus.