Konfronting an Addiktion to Kim Kardashian: Hollywood

By Molly

Illustration by Sarah Kennedy
Illustration by Sarah Kennedy

A few weeks ago I was casually checking my Instagram when I saw that user @kimkardashian posted a picture of herself in a recording studio. I got excited because I thought that this would mean she’d release another single, like a Jam (Turn It Up) part two. Although this would be a great career move for Kim and very on point with her personal brand, I soon learned that my guess was incorrect. One of the hashtags in the caption of the photo was “#KimKardashianGame” and about a week later, the iPhone game Kim Kardashian: Hollywood took over my life.

The object of Kim Kardashian: Hollywood is to go from the E-List to being the number one celebrity on the A-List. Drake’s “Started from the Bottom” would be a very appropriate theme song in this situation, however I think that would create some negative feelings on Kanye’s end so that probably will never be a reality. To get to the A-List, you have to network with certain people, go on dates, wear cute outfits, promote products, and participate in photo shoots. You get money to spend on outfits and energy and stars to use on the dates, promotions, photo shoots, etc. As you level up, you can travel to more places and you have a better selection of hairstyles and outfits to choose from. You can go to LA, Hollywood, Calabasas, New York, Las Vegas, Miami, and Mexico, so if you don’t have an IRL summer vacation planned, you can just tell people all about how you did some spur-of-the moment photo shoots on the beach in Punta Mita.

Playing Kim Kardashian: Hollywood was (and if I’m being honest, still is) exciting and fun. I wanted to do everything I could to get to the A-List so I could become more famous than the game’s resident mean girl, Willow Pape, who is essentially a cartoon Paris Hilton. (Also, I’d like to take a moment to point out that the photographer named Marcel Tesiano is literally Paolo from the Princess Diaries movies.) Once I stayed up playing this game until the early hours of the morning so I could get to the next level. I was playing on so little sleep that I almost accidentally spent $99.99 on energy so I could complete some photo shoots. I panicked and thanked Yeezus that I didn’t end up spending that much money. This incident made me realize that I needed to stop playing this addictive game because my attachment to it was getting a little out of hand. Thankfully, I still have my dignity and I’m proud to say that I’ve spent no money on Kim Kardashian: Hollywood (yet).

Currently, I’m number one on the A-List, but I haven’t played in a couple of days because I realized that getting to the top is more exciting than trying to stay on the top. Also, I’ll never get enough stars to afford any of the attractive hairstyles, no matter how famous I am. My character will be stuck with the infamous Rachel Green hairstyle forever.

I’m considering deleting the Kim Kardashian: Hollywood app off of my phone, but I’m scared that one day I’ll get bored in a dentist’s office or, you know, while driving (just kidding, mom!) and I’ll feel the urge to play again. Also, I’m just really hoping that virtual Kim will invite me to her home to ask me to be North’s godmother over a steak dinner and a Keeping Up With The Kardashians marathon. I doubt that this special event is included in the game, but I guess this means I’ll have to keep playing to find out.

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