Gold Medal: Krystal Stennett

By Jessica

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Illustration by Phoebe

This month’s Pop Culture Puke ~gold medal~ is going out to twitter user goosecalls aka rap game sad aka Jamaica’s best aka my true fave, Krystal Stennett!!!!! To set the mood you should listen to this song as you scroll through this page.

* 10 important things about Krystal *

1. Lives in Jamaica

2. Loves dogs and frequents the #happydog on instagram

3. Has a cat but their relationship is hot n cold

4. Has an awesome tumblr

5. Gave up on Facebook’s lameness a few years ago

6. Is very passionate about Scandal and Grey’s Anatomy (but is less passionate about Sara Ramirez bc her twitter is ehhhhh)

7. Worships Kanye West

8. Loves every Drake song

9. Once joked that her nickname in prison would be “cheese buns”

10. Respects The Good Wife’s Diane Lockhart enough to honour her w this snapchat

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Back in December K-Sten followed me on twitter and I audibly gasped at her iconic bio “it was the best of times, it was the Shonda Rhimes.” She has since changed it to the Barry Bonds lyrics “i’m doing pretty good as far as geniuses go” which is equally great and by that I mean Krystal is a verbal wordsmith on par w Kanye.

Her tweets are of such high caliber it was embarrassing to me that she clicked follow and I desperately wanted her to like me. I mean just look at this stuff right here:

 

Exhibit A:

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Exhibit B:

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Exhibit C:

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Exhibit D:

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Exhibit E:

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Exhibit F:

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Exhibit G:

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Twitter led to Snapchat and Snapchat led to iMessage where we now have daily chats convos about feminism or Kimye or the beauty that is Angel Haze’s relationship with Ireland Baldwin. Because of her influence I watched both Bates Motel and Broad City and subjected her to my catch up texts that are both alarming due to volume and intensity but she appreciated them because she is a true friend. One day I was feeling very down about my lack of Instagram presence so she commented “YOUR INSTA GAME IS SO ON POINT. I LOVE IT.” on all of my posts. It was the sweetest virtual thing anyone has ever done/will do for me. I can’t wait to meet her irl and when it happens I will probably just hold her face for a long time wondering how such a cool person is real. You should all go follow her on twitter and tumblr if you aren’t already because as you can see you are truly missing out!!!

Bonus tweet (featuring great use of JFD):

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Krystal bb you da baddest bitch thus far – xx Jess

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