Movie Set, Thick Snow

By Charlotte R

20140430-211051.jpg
Collage by Jane M

when i was younger
i’d put snowballs on paper plates
placing them in the freezer
washing my hands with cold water
religiously checking my melting snow with
my frozen hands, not as cold as my nose –
we shouldn’t rub noses or anything like that
“okay,” you said, i couldn’t believe you anymore

i broke the freezer last night after it snowed
movie set, thick snow, there was no thickness
between us, we were very real to each other yesterday
our hands kept touching casually, i couldn’t realize
if they were warm or hot
but they were soft and they were laughing

at me because i tried to salvage snowballs
sneaking them into the freezer, sneaking you into
the fridge of my white blood cells
it’s the right temperature i swear, i promise
i trust you
“you still trust me?” you asked, i couldn’t say no
it should have been snowing inside room 217, we
should have been frozen or raining or melting red popsicles,
sticky over fingers – “actually?” you asked, i couldn’t be honest
you’re believing some truth – you have blue lips

it was Alaska in my body
i was shaking, we were so fucking real though i
broke the freezer before you could break my heart
i ran out of paper plates, i couldn’t capture your
white blood cells making them oval shaped snowballs
watching melt next to my snow turning into
puddles turning into mornings when it’s all gone

 

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