Gold Medal: Mary Jane Morgan

By Jane M

Illustration by Phoebe

OG Baby Angel Goddess Blue Ivy Carter featured on Jay-Z’s “Glory” when she was two days old. My perfect niece MJ is two months old and draws a lot of inspiration from Blue’s path and general aura. I’m just now giving MJ her first award BUT it’s as close as we’re going to get.

Mary Jane is, in a word, “crushing” it. She’s doing a lot of baby stuff right now and seems to really love life, which is a super fun thing to observe. She’s also the first baby I’ve ever held because I was waiting for the best and now she’s here. She’s pretty much destined to be an icon / role model to babies, toddlers, children, tweens, teens, young adults, baby boomers everywhere because she just has it. I met her when she was a week old and then again when she was a month old, and she’s growing up really fast. She’s leading a pretty exhausting life at this point. Sleeping all night and for most of the day, but she deserves that luxury. She loves smiling these days, which is so cute it’s almost terrible because nothing should ever be that cute. I could give her a gold medal exclusively for her smile and early-onset eyebrow game and it would be well deserved.

Let’s delve into Mary Jane’s pop culture sensibilities before this turns into my thesis paper. Homegirl loves Scandal. She admires Olivia Pope’s style and is very much on team Jake/#Olake. We are sometimes divided on this but we are family and we get through it. We’ve only seen one episode together but it was so emotional we felt like we watched seven. She falls asleep when Quinn comes on because Quinn is so annoying it’s not even worth it to stay awake. Regardless, she watches it every Thursday before bed. She also watches Criminal Minds just for the thrill of it, and Good Morning America but I don’t really know why she likes it so much and she declined to comment via not being able to talk yet. I watched an episode of Parks and Rec with her and she loved it and we both feel a deeply spiritual connection to April. Again, MJ just gets it. Her sense of humor is so advanced for her age.

MJ “loves music.” When I was home visiting her I tested her taste quite a bit in a pretty biased way by playing songs I want her to like when she was in a good mood. She loves The xx because of course she does. Also, one day my brother and sister-in-law brought her to our house for dinner and she was waking up as they were getting her settled inside. I went over and just stared at her for a minute and then played “Play by Play” by Autre Ne Veut. She held eye contact with me for the entire song and it seems like it really changed her/our relationship. We really connected. It was to be expected. I also played a Yung Lean song for her and she responded positively even though she was really tired. Fun Mary Jane fact of the day: Apparently she falls asleep to “November Rain” by Guns n Roses? MJ you are spiraling out of control and I love it.

Movies are pretty boring to her at this point, and I respect that. My sister-in-law Libbo (aka 1/2 of the best parents in the world and the only couple deserving of such a perfect child) told me they watched “Beauty and the Beast” and “The Lion King” the other day. She is destined to love Disney because her parents have seen more Disney movies than I have and used to come to my state track and cross country meets solely because they were in Orlando and they could go to Disney World; I have accepted this fact, yes. I’m going to assume she will love Wes Anderson movies because they are very reflective of her personal brand (her name is Mary Jane Morgan, so), but we will cross that wonderful bridge when we come to it (next month, probably).

She’s extremely well versed in the technology department. She picked up on the art of the selfie almost immediately. She looks right at the front camera every single time and has perfected the use of the look of angst already. It’s beautiful, really. We have also FaceTimed and Skyped a few times and she’s picking up on it at a rapid pace. A real genius on our hands. I adore this girl, both on video chat and IRL.

MJ, I hope this is an adequate first award. Never forget that you are forever an #influencer in the truest sense of the hashtag. You just do you. Now let’s set our sights on horseback riding and your impending 2nd grade spelling bee. Keep it in the family.

Oh btw if ONE of you makes a 420 joke at any point throughout her life I will send you an e-card about how stupid you are <3333 here’s to hoping this comes up when a dumb 13-year-old boy googles her name in 2027 because he has a crush on her (obvi)

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