My Life As A Commitmentphobe

By Chloe

Collage by Katie

I’ve never really been a fan of relationships, or been in a proper one myself. But not until recently had I ever considered thinking of myself as a ‘commitmentphobe’ after all, right now I’m pretty darn committed to New Girl and unemployment.

After my first encounter with this word, slurred from the mouth of an incredibly drunk dude, quickly followed by me making a hasty exit, I discovered that I have pretty much done everything in my power, by accident, to subtly put guys off me so here is a nice little list of fabulous things you can do to make boys go away all whilst avoiding any emotional confrontation- all tried and tested by yours truly.

1. Quote Angus Thongs and Perfect Snogging

During one particular make-out sesh, the words ‘Sven using vaaaaarying pressure, THAT’S what foreign boys do’, fell from my drunken mouth, complete with amazing welsh accent. This has occurred two times since then and is a 100% effective boy repellent.

2. Roll over, knock yourself out on a low ceiling whilst also getting stuck down the side of his bed

This was vodka’s fault, not mine.

3. Cry on him because you do not have a pet snake

At the time of this incident I was totally obsessed with getting a snake, apparently he wanted one too, we kept in contact for ages in case our dreams came true but he’s thought I’m insane ever since.

4. Show them your Spider-man duvet set

This duvet in particular is like my own personal night sheild from the male species, if Spider-man duvet is not available New Moon duvet is a close second contender.

5. Be convinced you are being stolen in a car and taken to France

I don’t know what happened but a tonne of people got in this car and I thought I’d been taken to France but it was really two streets away and I was screaming.

But in all seriousness, I have examined all my motives behind this sort of strange behaviour and i’ve come to a conclusion. I’M A REAL PERSON. I’m a real person who says stupid things, who gets embarrassed and super drunk but that’s not. a. bad. thing. I’m not a commitmentphobe, I just have no interest in romantic relationships at this stage in my life. To be perfectly honest I feel sorry for people who do spend their teenage years pursuing serious commitments like relationships. There’s so much out there to be discovering and doing like making new friends and trying out new hobbies, getting lost in a big city, catching a train to somewhere new, dancing on your bed in your underwear and being a silly teenager. That’s what I want to commit to, not a guy I probably met on a dancefloor pulling some mean shapes to Jason Derulo….although that’s super fun too.

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